January 2012
1 post
Hoes.
Jan 1st
December 2011
4 posts
Working on my New Year’s resolutions. Here’s what I’ve got so far. 1) Boats & Hoes. 2) …
Dec 28th
I think those might have been Viagra®. This could become a problem.
Dec 10th
Mmmmmmmmm. Rizzoli & Meatballs.
Dec 7th
Elf on my tweet.
Dec 3rd
Taters.
Dec 1st
November 2011
13 posts
Eating leftovers. #pantsfreefriday
Nov 27th
Gravy everywhere.
Nov 26th
I’m gonna need another pumpkin pie for this next trick.
Nov 25th
Purple drank.
Nov 24th
Fuckbutter. That’s a word, right? If not, it needs to be.
Nov 23rd
So, I found my keys… where’s my door?
Nov 20th
Boats ‘N Hoes!
Nov 19th
We’re gonna need more Cheez Whiz®.
Nov 17th
So, I haven’t seen the movie “Unstoppable,” but I’m betting they stopped it.
Nov 10th
I don’t think this Trojan Twister is supposed to go there.
Nov 9th
Something snarky.
Nov 5th
You don’t see that many goiters these days.
Nov 3rd
October 2011
9 posts
Picking up some candy corn and miniature bottles of Absolut Mandrin for the trick-or-treaters.
Oct 31st
Up early for breakfast. #OccupyTheseFuckinPancakes
Oct 30th
Me and my boyz! http://t.co/BtI9LiN5
Oct 28th
Postponed game 6 of the DrinkBeerOnThePorchInMyUnderpantsSeries. Found navy rum. Game 1 of the DrinkRumOnThePorchInMyUnderpantsSeries is on!
Oct 27th
Boobs.
Oct 25th
Sitting on the front porch. #pantsfreefriday
Oct 22nd
I got an itch that needs scratching. #occupymypants
Oct 19th
Dipping my Twinkies® in sambuca… if you know what I’m sayin’.
Oct 13th
More cleavage!
Oct 9th
September 2011
7 posts
Are these your pants?
Sep 29th
Nekkid.
Sep 21st
My underpants are hot to the touch. What does that mean? Should I be concerned?
Sep 17th
I’m sorry. Was this your tweet?
Sep 12th
Today is the day of days. The holiest of holies. http://t.co/dvgRj5w
Sep 4th
Not what you’d think. http://t.co/aqgpOdV
Sep 3rd
Great headline. http://t.co/wX0lVjF
Sep 2nd
August 2011
11 posts
I might be going blind.
Aug 31st
Should we discuss the approaching storm surge? #inmypants
Aug 28th
Goddamn I need some fried chicken and motherfuckin’ waffles!
Aug 22nd
Box wine and egg roll burps.
Aug 21st
These pants are tremendous. #pantsfreefriday
Aug 20th
Schwing.
Aug 15th
#FF @gordongartrelle
Aug 13th
Cheese. Glorious cheese.
Aug 12th
Don’t be jealous of my ladyfriends. http://t.co/G57ykIg
Aug 7th
Shark Week! http://t.co/mJEG9IT
Aug 6th
Screw the X Games. I wanna play some XXX Games. Amirite? Tell me. Amirite? <highfive>
Aug 1st
July 2011
11 posts
Shaun White must be the lovechild of Carrot Top and Billy Ray Cyrus. #douchebaggames
Jul 31st
Connie Britton. Boner.
Jul 28th
Lookin’ for someone to raise my debt ceiling. Know what I’m sayin’?
Jul 23rd
I don’t know what the fuck a Bon Iver is, but I know I don’t want one… Unless it’s a new recreational pharmaceutical, then I’ll take two.
Jul 23rd
Word of the day? Lubrication.
Jul 21st