I think my tweet needs a flu shot.

I just won the World Series of taking off my pants and eating four microwave burritos.

There really isn’t enough latex clothing in the world.

Very disappointed I didn’t think to produce the new movie “Jon and Kate Fuck 8.”

This is news? http://tinyurl.com/ye4zqnu I racked up a $700 bar tab this morning between 7 AM and 7:15 AM. Plus, Scotch and Coke? Really?

Watching “Steel Magnolias” and crying my eyes out.

Still coming down from a Halloween high of Skittles®, candy corn, Pixy Stix® and malt liquor.

Wearing my Halloween suit. It looks just like my birthday suit.

Dressing up my tweet as a slutty librarian. #happyfuckinghalloweenmotherfuckers

Nothing wrong with Follow Friday, but I’m more interested in Stalker Saturday. #followfriday #stalkersaturday